January Q&A

1. How does poor sweet Luis deal with you two?
I honestly don’t even know. I swear he’s an angel in human form. He’s so kind, loving and patient with us, and has such a peaceful aura- it grounds the both of us. Katie and I can be very head strong at times, take long to get ready, PMS and get our menstrual cycles around the same time among other things, but he’s always so calm that it brings such a beautiful balance to the dynamic.  

2. Is there another baby in the future? If so, how is it decided who will carry it?
Yes! Growing our family is definitely something we want to do. Katie is open to carrying another baby if it happens, but it’s not something she is pressed about. Pregnancy was very tough on her physically! When the three of us have discussed the baby topic, I’ve vocalized that I’d like to carry the next one, and both Katie and Luis were on board with that. I’m excited to see what another mini one of us would be like!

3. How do you handle cohesive parenting?
Parenting together has taught us so much. Here are a few things we’ve learned along the way:

• We each have different parenting styles, but we allow for each of us to parent Lukas in our own way. No one wants to be micro managed, but there are times where we step to the side and talk about how a certain reaction or decision may not have been effective, and we use that constructive feedback to help us for the next time around.

• We’re a team, and we share tasks. Life is hectic for us, and sometimes there are weeks where one or two of us does more than usual, but we never throw that in each other’s faces. Nights at home can look like this: one of us works on homework with Lukas, while one cooks dinner, and the other washes dishes. Divvying up tasks helps our routine run smoothly.

• There’s a mutual respect for “me time”. Because life is hectic, having the time for self-care is important, and we allow for each other to get that. I have the flexibility to spend time at the gym, Katie goes out with friends, and Louie loves spending time listening to music or reading a good book. We do this by communicating what we need so that we can be our best selves for Lukas.

Parenting is hard, especially with different personalities and parenting styles, but we always make sure to show kindness and grace to each other because we’re human and can easily make a mistake!

4. Did you know what a throuple was before becoming part of one?
We had no idea throuples were even a thing! We thought we were the first ones in our times to do something like this, but gosh were we wrong lol! When we started our journey, Louie started doing some research to make sense of the journey we were embarking on, and he shared with us some information he found on polyamory. That led me to searching for other triads on Instagram, and we realized we weren’t alone in this at all. Finding others like us was so refreshing!

5. Had you been attracted to women before?
I knew I was attracted to both females and males at the age of 4, and for the longest time I repressed it out of fear. Katie also had an attraction to females since a young age, and was also forced to repress it. Luis was the first man she fell in love with! Sexual repression led us to believe that we were cured, but we learned there’s just no curing who we are.

6. I’m so inspired by your family! Do you guys sleep in the same bed?
Yes we do! You can find a more in depth response here.

7. What was your first job?
I was a hostess at an Italian restaurant. I quit a month later because I kept going OD on the bread rolls- it was a problem. Louie worked at a local restaurant, and Katie worked as a cashier at Walgreens, where they later worked together and became besties.
 

8. What was your experience of coming out as poly to your family like?
You can find a more in depth response here (question #12), but just know it was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do. It takes a lot of courage to do it, but it feels so good when you finally speak your truth!

9. What is the very best part of doing life with two partners?
Life with two partners is so much easier! I think the best part is having 3 different brains to access and process with. We don’t think alike, so it helps hearing different perspectives. There are also three sets of hands to help around the house, three incomes, and three different parenting styles that balance each other out. This works so well for us, and we truly don’t know how monogamous families keep it together. Louie was really sick a few weeks ago, and Katie was working long hours while simultaneously prepping for her trip to Texas. We’re so used to always having at least two sets of hands to help with anything, that being alone and doing it all was very overwhelming.

10.  Is there a unicorn in the relationship?
Nope! There is no unicorn in the relationship- just an owl (Louie), a koala (Katie) and an elephant (Raq)- our spirit animals :)

11. Were you guys always a true triad or were you v-shaped at first?
You can find a more in depth response here and here! In short, we started off as a V dynamic (Katie & Louie and Katie & me), and with time we transitioned to a true triad.

12.  What is it like financially with all 3 of you guys living together?
Having a third income is definitely helpful, but we aren’t swimming in pools of money, at least not now. *Brb while I manifest that for the future*. We’ve been able to reach some financial goals by having an extra income, which we are very grateful for. Our finances weren’t always merged, and it took us time to take that step forward.

13. How do you handle being left out of family/friend events due to them not knowing about the relationship
We can relate on the negative feelings that can come from not being welcome somewhere because of our family dynamic. Before coming out we were actually very close with my family in VA. We spent most holidays together and when we came out, Katie and Luis weren’t allowed to step into my parents house. I still go visit my parents because I’m choosing to show and extend kindness, but it’s a hard pill to swallow to know that my parents reject my partners. My hope is that one day this changes.   

As always, thanks for reading!

Xo,

Raq