What is Polyamory?

Back in 2014, Luis expressed the possibility for Katie and me to explore our connection and feelings for each other in a deeper way. We had no idea what the journey we were about to embark on would entail.

From the very beginning we had set boundaries because that’s just what worked for us. We always made sure to be open and up front with Luis every step forward that Katie and I wanted to take, and to this day, even though or dynamic has evolved into a true triad, we continue to make sure that a culture of ethics, transparency and honesty is cultivated and manifested.

So, what is polyamory you ask? Polyamory is:

Ethical Non-Monogamy

A person can have many loves, which can include physical intimacy, but isn’t solely encompassed by that. Meaning when there’s an interest or desire to move forward with another individual, whether emotional or physical, you bring it to the table and discuss it with your partner(s). Although this can seem awkward and can even potentially cause some tension, it’s important to be honest about those feelings in order to work through it and move past certain boundaries that may already be in place. Ethics and honesty play a huge role in this!

Ethical, Honest, and Transparent

It’s about being honest with self and partner(s) about how and what you feel. Without this key element, here is no way that the dynamic and relationship can thrive. If there is an inkling of insecurity or jealousy, it’s important to open up about it. When we choose to verbalize and express our emotions, we can break down walls and barriers in the relationship, deepen the connection and level of trust, silence insecurities and lies, and learn how to work through the feelings so that it doesn’t always lead to an argument.

Opening your heart, mind, soul and/or body

There is beauty in loving more than one and having more than one individual love you. There is no way that we can get everything we need from one individual, which is why we have other people in our corner who we turn to. Although some find wholeness in opening their heart and mind to a best friend, that’s how others feel when doing so with another partner. It’s a beautiful feeling knowing that you are totally and completely accepted by these individuals who know you on a whole other physical, mental, and spiritual level.

Polyamory is not:

Black and White

Each poly family/dynamic can look different. There is no set rulebook as to what a poly family has to look like. Some dynamics may all live together, some may live with one or two of their partners, and some live separately. At the end of the day, we have to do what we feel is best for us and our families.

Cheating

Ethical non-monogamy means that all partners are aware of each other.

Religion-Based

This is not linked to any sort of religion or sect. A lot of people confuse polyamory with polygamy- it’s not the same. In polyamory, both women and men may have multiple partners, whereas in polygamy, only the man may have multiple female partners.

All About Sex

So many people have the misconception that polyamory is all about kink and sex. While I’m sure there are kinky poly people as there are kinky monogamous ones, being in a polyamorous relationship requires a level of emotional intelligence that constantly requires you to have introspective moments. A lot of the time is spent talking and emotionally processing a lot of things or even just making memories like others do too because we’re human too y’all! Sex is a product of the love that is shared between the individuals, but again, it’s not what polyamory is all about.

So, if you’re new to this whole poly thing, have a friend or family member who is poly and you just don’t get it, or even want to try and understand us a bit more, I hope this helped, and as always, thanks for taking the time to read this!

Xo,

Raq

Photos by: MarissaRosePhotography